this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Randomize
