I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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