Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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