mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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