my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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