i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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