So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
