I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
