i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
