i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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