The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
