I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
