We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
