I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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