I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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