I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
