I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
