Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
