Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
