i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
4 words: hood of his car
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
