I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
