my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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