Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That accounts for only three of the penises
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
