worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
