I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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