you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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