everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
