I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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