Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
