um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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