if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize