Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
