That's intense
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
