Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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