Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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