I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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