1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
