you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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