So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize