EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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