Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
