why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
