so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize