DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was born a porn star she said
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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