Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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