I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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