Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
