I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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