The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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