mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
