sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
