I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
