I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
