what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize