You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
