Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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