I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
