I think im going to throw up on grandma
sarcasm needs its own font
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
