I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
