apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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