If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
