dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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