The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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