I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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