I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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