At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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