Soap is not a condiment
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
