If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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