Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
