You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
