he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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