R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
