I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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