if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
