Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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