party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Send help, water and tortillas.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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