Sponge bath it is.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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