So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
